Today we are flying to Quito, Ecuador. The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of activity as we completed our work, said our final good-byes to friends and family, and wrapped up all the loose ends of our lives. We were overwhelmed with the sincere expressions of kindness from friends and family alike as they extended their hospitality and contributed to plumping us up before we left!
Recently, many have asked how I am feeling about what lies ahead. Am I anxious? Worried? Nervous? No, No and No. Rather, I feel an inner peace that has come from a sense of certainty that this is exactly what I need to be doing at this time in my life. Each day I awake feeling alive and excited about the adventure ahead. . . .
Ok, I must now confess. I started this entry a couple of days ago and that is how I felt then. Today, on the day of departure, the situation has changed dramatically. Both Chris and I awoke with our stomachs in knots feeling intense fear and anxiety to the point we both felt physically sick to our stomachs. I can’t even find the words to describe the intensity of our emotions. Chris described it in this way: I feel like I’m standing on the edge of the highest diving board (like Tower 4 at the Nepean Sportsplex), looking down thinking, what the F*** am I doing?
These feelings persisted all the way to the airport, through check-in and security. By the time we reached the gate, with an extra large Timmies in hand (our last for a while!) we were managing our anxiety by using a technique that has served us well running marathons – to break the distance in small manageable chunks. Nobody begins a marathon thinking – I have 42.2 kilometres ahead of me. Instead, you think of the first 5, then the next 5, and so on. And so we began telling ourselves we can come back in a month if we want and we joked that we could continue the blog as an exercise of our imagination from the comfort and security of Canada. We’d just have to be careful not to be spotted at the mall!
But seriously, we’re still feeling anxious and fearful as we await our plane. I just hope we have the guts to board the plane!