Anchor’s Aweigh!

Anchor’s Aweigh!

SOLD. How could four letters pack such a punch! With the house sold, we could begin what we dubbed the “three P’s” part of the plan – Purge, Pack and Put away. We decided to store our belongings while away; however, there is only so much stuff you can fit into a 15×20 foot storage unit, even when you have a clever, creative husband like mine who will maximize every cubic inch of space in that unit. And we had a lot of stuff.

And so the purge began. We decided to go through our stuff and pair it down to the basics. This was clearly more difficult for Chris than it was for me. I am simply not attached to things. I am not very sentimental. I am not a pack rat. If I am not using something, I generally get rid of it within a year. Having too much stuff, especially clutter and junk around me weighs me down and causes me stress – feels like sensory overload. So this process of purging was quite refreshing for me.

It wasn’t so easy for Chris. I saw him struggle with letting things go. I saw him resist and procrastinate and bury his head in the sand. At first I found it hard to understand or to even empathize. And I noticed how stressed I started to feel as I watched him resist…..can he do what needs to be done before the closing date on the house? I didn’t have a lot of confidence or trust that he could get through this, and this added to his stress. What a pair we were! Slowly but surely we made headway.

Amidst all this purging, I began to feel anxious again and my nights were interrupted with insomnia – a sure sign that something was amiss. I realized that while I detached from the house some time ago, the finality of the sale had triggered something new within – a deep feeling of insecurity. My house, my job, my routine, my income – all the things I was tossing aside – brought a sense of stability and security to my life. They were my anchor. Interesting paradox – the very things I needed to break free from in order to grow were the very things I clung to in order to feel secure.

I felt like a ship that has lifted its anchor and is adrift without a clear sense of direction. This was very unsettling for me. I am a planner, an organizer, a director, a goal-setter, an over achiever – you get the idea – I don’t just drift….at least not until now. But I think this is exactly why I felt such a profound need to do this. Somewhere deep within, I knew I was holding myself back from my fullest potential.….. and so I must sit with this unsettled feeling for awhile. Anchors aweigh! read more

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One Response
  1. Jurgen Portz says:

    Christina,

    Dinesh forwarded me the link and I enjoyed reading your “Journey Before the Journey” post. What an exciting time for you and Chris. I wish both of you a fantastic journey of discovery and look forward to hearing more.

    Take care & good luck!

    Jurgen

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